basically wonderful.

Nov

17

2009

doggie caskets.

After hearing licking noises in the kitchen...
Adam: Did you give them water?
Me: Let me make sure that's not the tenderloin!
Adam: UGH!
Me: Otherwise we'd be going to Burger King!
Adam: NO, we'd be going to the doggie casket store!

posted 2 weeks ago

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Nov

17

2009

I can't make this stuff up.

(I ask that people knock before entering the back door of the cafe because I could be standing on a step stool and get knocked off. This guy just barges in every time without knocking.)
Me: hey, remember you need to knock on that door before you come through it.
Him: oh I know. But I can hear you on the other side.
Me: um. You need to knock.
Him: I have great hearing. Really good. I can hear the wind on the other side of the door. I can hear you if you're standing on the other side.

posted 2 weeks ago

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Nov

09

2009

I work at a health club.

You know, a gym. Our members have access to a “comments and suggestions” form, and they love to use it. We get to read some of the tame comments at the end of each month. I got one in my mailbox today, because I also handle vending in addition to the cafe. You know, a machine that has CANDY and CHIPS in it. At a HEALTH CLUB. So keep that in mind. I work at a HEALTH CLUB.

The machine I fill is from the early 1980s and is nearly obsolete. Recently, it quit giving quarters for change, so I had to put a note on it saying “exact change only” until it could be fixed. Since this is a candy vending machine, the priority is obviously at the bottom of the totem pole here. So it made this suggestion even more of a gem.

Actual text from the comment, emphasis theirs:

“Please replace the candy bar machine—the one that won’t accept dollars & make change.

It’s often out of candy, too!

Whoever is in charge of accomodating MEMBERS’ pleasure here should take care of this problem, pronto.

Thanks!”

My favorite part was the “accomodating MEMBERS’ pleasure”. And the underlined “pronto”.

posted 3 weeks ago

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Nov

06

2009

look forward to gems like these now that I have wifi at work.

Customer: yeah, do you have bananas to make that smoothie in the sign?
Me: I'm sorry but I don't have any fresh bananas. That smoothie is made with 100% crushed fruit from a mix.
Customer: okay, that works!!
(customer then promptly turns and leaves without ordering anything)

posted 1 month ago

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Oct

20

2009