December 2011
6 posts
6 tags
that woulda been a bitch.
me: dinner is in the crockpot! [11:24am]
adam: sweet. what is it? [11:25am]
me: creamy chicken pesto. will have over pasta. [11:26am]
me: and now the crock pot is actually plugged in! [11:55am]
adam: hehehehehe. that woulda been a bitch. [11:56am]
November 2011
1 post
September 2011
8 posts
2 tags
restrict your clever banter.
Adam: I'm calling about seats now.
Me: oookay... are you saying I can't chatterbox or something?
Adam: yes. Restrict your clever banter!!
5 tags
WHAT IS TAURINE?
Me: Honey, I'm so proud of you! I was coming to remind you that I made you iced coffee, and NOT to go to the gas station! But you already made some!
Adam: I'm trying to do better. Really. But... I'm addicted to Java Monsters. It's that taurine. Ugh. Can we buy taurine? Can we put taurine in THIS? WHAT IS TAURINE? No really! What is it?!!!
5 tags
5 tags
7 tags
2 tags
August 2011
3 posts
3 tags
April 2011
2 posts
is it over yet? →
I’m sick of this royal wedding crap. Pass me a bag!
4 tags
sweatpants/PJs.
Adam: UGH, I have no pants to wear to softball practice!
Me: What? Just wear your sweatpants.
Adam: But those are PAJAMA PANTS.
Me: Only because you only wear them at night, they're SWEATPANTS.
Adam: *sigh* Okay, fine.
*a few minutes later he's in his sweatpants*
Me: OMG, you're wearing your PAJAMAS?!
Adam: SEE! Be serious! I can't wear these!! I have to go to Dick's and get new pants now!!
January 2011
2 posts
3 tags
December 2010
6 posts
6 tags
8 tags
I f*&%ing love this shit!
The wind is REALLY whipping up outside with a bunch of snow, while Adam's outside messing around with the snowblower, so I called his cell.
Adam: Yeah?
Me: HONEY, come inside! It's really windy out there and I don't want a tree to fall on you!
Adam: A tree isn't going to fall on me! I fucking love this shit! Want to come out and play??
Me: NO! There are like, snow tornadoes outside, it's freaky!
Adam: Come on, we can play in the snow!
Me: NO!!
Adam: Okay okay, I'll put this away and come in.
5 tags
it wasn't interesting enough.
(I was on the phone with an employee while Adam was still in bed asleep; after I hung up...)
Adam: What was that all about?
Me: That was just Allyson...
Adam: What's going on?
Me: Well, the roads are really bad and she's on her way back. She has plenty of time to get here, but she's not sure if--
Adam: *DEEP BREATHING/SNORING*
Me: HEY! Wake up!!
Adam: Wha? What?
Me: You asked me what was going on and I was trying to tell you!!
Adam: It wasn't interesting enough to keep me awake!
(Later he asked me "Did I fall asleep while you were talking to me earlier??")
3 tags
4 tags
5 tags
November 2010
10 posts
3 tags
2 tags
5 tags
4 tags
4 tags
what are you trying to say?
Customer: haha where did all of your knives go?
Me: (confused, because they're in plain sight as usual) pardon?
Customer: your knives! Are your employees using them to stab you in the back?
Me: uh... I only ever have three knives. They're all here.
Customer: oh cause I was gonna say are your employees taking them home at night so they can stab you in the back when you're not working?
Me: um. No.
6 tags
spider.
Me: I didn't tell you about the spider!
Adam: No, you didn't. Was it furry? I probably don't want to hear about it, actually.
2 tags
4 tags
4 tags
October 2010
4 posts
5 tags
the tale of the tailgater.
I wish I could say this is the scariest or weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me… it’s not.
Much stranger things have happened, like when I chased down a stolen vehicle and found the car wrapped around a light pole in a deserted parking lot with the airbags deployed as the thief ran away through a field… or when B and I went to her house after she bought it and found...
loaded with calories.
Woman (aghast & dead serious): you know what someone told me this week? That fruit is LOADED with CALORIES!
Me: um. ALL food has calories. Even fruit.
Woman: wow, I had no idea. I mean, I knew fruit had sugar, but this shocked me!
loaded with calories.
Woman (aghast & dead serious): you know what someone told me this week? That fruit is LOADED with CALORIES!
Me: um. ALL food has calories. Even fruit.
Woman: wow, I had no idea. I mean, I knew fruit had sugar, but this shocked me!
6 tags
September 2010
8 posts
seriously limiting.
Me: are you wearing a bra?
B: YES. It's even underwire!! *pause* why?
Me: because it would seriously limit our options.
B: I know, that's why I went home and put one on!!
that's a stoner thought.
Me: I thought that guy was wearing plaid pants and not shorts for a second. Isn't it weird that prints on shorts are acceptable but if they were just longer and pants it would look stupid?
Adam: yes. I've never thought about that before but you're totally right. That's a stoner thought, honey! Good job!
4 tags
another actual conversation.
Me: you look so picturesque.
B: ha! Minus ME.
Me: don't be a BITCH.
Adam: you do look kinda hillbilly.
Me: what about me??
Adam: hmmm. Tramp.
Me: nice! And you?
Adam: don't give a fuck. Guy that gets laid every 6 months at the bar.
B: at least I'm not as nasty as the people at PayLow!
6 tags
actual conversations.
Adam: have you seen my keys?
Me: yeah, they're on top of the oil drum.
Adam: *snaps fingers* that's right! I'm going to go lock up the garage.
Me: ooh! Grab me my gun!
8 tags
3 tags
