the tale of the tailgater.
I wish I could say this is the scariest or weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me… it’s not.
Much stranger things have happened, like when I chased down a stolen vehicle and found the car wrapped around a light pole in a deserted parking lot with the airbags deployed as the thief ran away through a field… or when B and I went to her house after she bought it and found a naked crackwhore in the closet… or last summer, when we were robbed and shot at on the beach. Anyway.
At the grocery store I noticed some people looking at my car (it has for sale signs in it). They were in a Ford Focus. I left the grocery store and headed home on my usual route. There’s a point where the two-lane road goes down to a three lane: left turn lane, straight lane, right turn lane. Only ONE lane goes straight. As I approached the intersection leading into a dark 2-lane road through a forest preserve, I was behind a line of 2-3 cars already going through the intersection on a green light.
I was already through the intersection when a car flew up on my RIGHT side—they went straight from the right hand turn lane and were crowding me. Sometimes people try to jump the gun through the intersection by doing this, but only right when the light changes green… it had been green for some time. That’s when I noticed they were flashing their highbeams and had their four-ways on. I just thought they were being ridiculous.
I kept driving, not worried because there were cars immediately in front of me and also oncoming traffic (although not a lot). They started tailgating me and continued to flash their lights. I had been trying to call B at this point but instead hung up and called 911. When all was said and done I spoke with 3 different towns… cell towers suck for 911 calls!
Right after I started calling 911 the person tailgating me found a break in traffic and passed me (in a no-passing zone) on the left. As they passed they were waving at me and trying to stay even with me for a bit. That’s when I got PISSED. They got in front of me and kept tapping their brakes, then SLOWED DOWN, until they came to a STOP. We were now seriously the only cars on a dark, 2-lane road through a FOREST PRESERVE.
I still wasn’t worried, for several reasons… 1) there were no cars behind me, so I threw it in reverse immediately 2) I was on the phone with 911 already 3) your CAR IS A WEAPON!!
So I start backing up and the person GETS OUT OF THEIR CAR and starts WALKING TOWARD ME. I just kept driving in reverse down the freaking road. They got BACK in their car and started to reverse toward me too!! When they saw other cars coming in the opposite direction again they stopped. I kept going and then stopped about 15-20 car lengths back. There were still no cars coming from behind me, but there were cars coming toward me. When those cars passed, the car flipped a U-TURN AND CAME BACK TOWARD ME.
Luckily at this point there were other cars coming up behind me, so I just hit the gas and kept heading in my original direction. As they passed my car again, they slowed down and came to a stop but I kept going and didn’t even look over. I checked my rearview and they had to keep going away from me because other cars had come up.
I finally got through to the correct town and gave them the license plate and the description of the car. Then she asked me where I wanted to make a report. Honestly I was surprised, usually they hate taking reports (I’ve filed so many police reports in my life… kind of sad really). So I agreed to go back to the gas station very near to where the whole thing started and wait for the cops.
When the cops got there they were very nice and took all the info. They questioned whether maybe they were interested in buying my car, because of the For Sale signs. I said someone was looking at it in the grocery store parking lot, but that was a Ford Focus and the car that tailgated me was a Kia Rio. Plus, if you want to buy my car… that’s NOT the way to do it!! The cops agreed and told me I did everything exactly right.
They did a plate trace and already saw where the car is from, so I’m glad I actually remembered the plate number, I’m usually TERRIBLE with short-term memory and numbers. Adrenaline helps you out immensely though.
Unfortunately, due to no street lighting and harsh headlights/red glow of taillights, I didn’t get a good look at this person at ALL. I only know they were slim, between 5’10 and 6’, who knows if they were male or female or black or white or brown, I have no idea. I just know they were IDIOTS.
If it was a joke… those people are going to get killed one day. Adam urges me to carry my gun, and I never do. Tonight I don’t regret not having it, because my first thought when they got out of the car was “DAMN IT, I really don’t want to run anyone over!” But I would. I so would.
After the near-death experience at the beach, you know you will do ANYTHING to save YOUR life or your friends and family’s life. Don’t think you could kill a person?? Faced with the choice of kill or be killed, I will totally kill someone. Wouldn’t even hesitate.
I’m super calm and clear-headed in situations like this. (I know people who say that who are actually hysterical, but I have witnesses that I’m calm.) Survival of the fittest or something!
So, yeah. What a way to end my Thursday night! And right after I had such a blissful experience at yoga, too!
